Some of my favorite blogs are ones where moms share their motherhood experiences. Really the source of most comedic relief in life comes from the mouths of babes. While raising children can be the most trying, most selfless, hardest thing you will ever do, they have a way of breaking that tension with their quips, their silliness and their observations.
I still remember when my 15 year old asked me at age 2 when looking up at the evening sky, "Mom? Who cut the moon in half?" or my 12 year old telling my 15 year old "Sorry for your loss" after she said she was no longer friends with a friend none of us cared for. The kicker though I believe was when my 5 year old told her Papa, "Rosie died but she wasn't crucified." after talking to him about our beagle that had passed away. We still laugh about that! I guess when they learn about God, you never know what they will take in at a young age, but to hear a then 4 year old say crucified perfectly, and with such seriousness regarding a pets death, was priceless.
When I look at life as a wife of 17 years, a mom of 15 years I have seen so many blessings, I have seen tragedy, I have seen hope, and I have seen desperation. What I am amazed is, when I look at the mirror I still see hair. Some days the fact that I have hair and my sanity astounds me! Its a gift... my life is... a gift.
My biggest struggle as wife and mother is maintaining myself as a person, independent of my roles. I can lose myself so easily in the needs and wants of my husband and kiddos, that I forget to make myself a priority. I don't mean being "selfish" I mean remembering to take time and care of me so that I can be a better mom and wife. I will do really good for a while by focusing on exercise, taking boot camp or pilates classes, and making meals that suit my nutritional needs. Then as soon as a conflict arises in schedule, or food desires, I forget about me. I skip classes, make the foods they want.. and before I know it, I am feeling like crap: tired, sluggish, bloated, and overwhelmed.
Every year I say this is the year I will add myself to the list... and I do. But then about a month later, I cannot even find the list! I am lucky to keep schedules correct, make sure so and so is dropped off and picked up at such and such time. Ugh!!!
I sure wish I could not only find balance, but keep it. Motherhood guilt keeps me from doing a lot of things. I always worry, and I missing something? Am I keeping the kids from doing something because I am doing something for myself? Am I being selfish? Where is the line? I am sure hoping that by blogging... By discovering... I will find balance. Right now I am wondering what it looks like, and where I can find it? I have looked high and low and cannot find it!
