At this point I laugh in the face of "balance". Every time someone says "balance" I scoff. I don't even know what it looks like. It can be a mystical creature with three heads and six eyes for all I know. My life is not my own, my life, is picking up, cleaning, after everyone, feeding, fixing other's problems, being flexible on my own wants and needs, and by flexible I mean I have given up on any of my own wants and needs.
I think very few people receive nearly daily phone calls from family members where I have to drop what I am doing, change my whole day around and solve their issue or jump in to help, despite the plans I had. If it isn't a phone call, it's my kids coming down the stairs in the morning freaking about this or that and I have to drop everything, calm the situation, and help resolve it. By 7am on most days I have had more stress, more adrenaline, more cortisol expended than most people do all day. I am freaking sick of it! Sick!
I truly doubt there will ever be a day, when just one person says, you know what? You do so much everyday, why don't you do what you want today.... Oh not that I haven't heard it, but then is followed up with a bunch of crap and I either feel guilty or overwhelmed by all that is needed following "my day" that I just abort the plan.
It is not that I do not understand that I do participate in all of this, but how do you say no when people need you? It gets to the point where I get so sick of being flexible that I lose it. When friends change plans, I cannot take the change, I for once want people to have a plan and stick to it! Is it that much to ask? When I do actually stand up and say no, I am the bitch, I am the inflexible bitch who only thinks of herself. Well Damn it, if I don't no one will so if I am unwilling to bend, bend for me. Someone... just flipping once!
