Friday, March 20, 2020
Friday, October 23, 2015
Special Kids = Special Time
Everyone's kids are special. I mean come on, what mom doesn't think their kids are really the best and everyone else is just in their shadows?!? Ok, well maybe not to that degree, but show me a mom, and I will show you a mom who even though she is ready to pull her hair out, still loves their kids something fierce.
When they are babies, we all snuggle them, and shower them with kisses, watch them sleep, anything to just get a few extra moments with them. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom it seems there are never enough hours in the day to spend with them. As they get older, trust me, the struggle gets really REAL.
I have a 16 year old.... I know, I know I cannot possibly because I look so young... its ok... shower me with it... LOL However, I do, and I feel older by the minute believe me. When she throws me tude, when she "forgets" important things... GRRRRR..... However, even this "suck it up, buttercup" mom, this anti-coddler, feels that each kids needs individualized attention. Once a month I try to spend a special days with each of the kids, alone. A lot of times, it quells the tude, it gets her re-focused, because she gets to talk... and talk.... and talk... till she is blue in the face because after all this day is just for her. Now even though I am really, and I mean really good at the art of artificial hearing, aka zoning out, on these days, I try really hard to focus and pay attention.
These special days are not days to go over attitude issues, or school issues (unless she brings them up), it's not a day to discuss how she can do her chores better, or how I would love, love, love it, if she would take her laundry upstairs after she washes it instead of clogging up my whole production... Nooooo this is a day of her directing conversation, her picking lunch, picking an activity or two. She gets to talk about Color Guard, her friends, her upcoming events. It's a day of positivity from mom to daughter, to boost her, to get her excited and make her feel loved, special and appreciated.
In addition to my special days with the girls, my baby daddy, my hubby, their father (lol) takes one out a month to spend a father daughter date. Sometimes it's during the day, he takes them shopping, lunch, and whatever they want to do, sometimes it's a nighttime gig, with dinner, and a movie. I actually think that these dates, even though they are less often, are even MORE important, even MORE special. With girls I think the fact that they get to have undivided, special attention from their dad, teaches them about what to look for in a spouse. Someone to love them, appreciate them, dote on them, open the door for them.
While it is super hard to not use that time to discuss any grievances you may have, don't. Sometimes the kids know they haven't been super great lately and will bring it up, if that's the case... discuss, but try to keep it positive. Discuss what has been going right, because as parents, we often are so focused on what isn't that we forget to give them kudos for what is. This is that time baby! Slurp them up! Snuggle them, emotionally if not physically. Let them know that you love them through all of that, and that today is their day, they are Queens/Kings for the day.
I swear you will notice a change. Make the time, even if it is taking them out after they get out on minimum days, or using a holiday up. I used to even get a sitter to watch the others during the day if hubby was gone and I wanted to do it during the week. Now that they are older it's easier in that aspect but harder in scheduling. They become so busy, so involved it's hard to find the time, make it work anyway. It will be worth it, even if things are all rosy, get them in the habit knowing they will have their day, and it will get even rosier.
I just hope one day when I am older and greyer that my kids will plan special days with me.
When they are babies, we all snuggle them, and shower them with kisses, watch them sleep, anything to just get a few extra moments with them. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom it seems there are never enough hours in the day to spend with them. As they get older, trust me, the struggle gets really REAL.
I have a 16 year old.... I know, I know I cannot possibly because I look so young... its ok... shower me with it... LOL However, I do, and I feel older by the minute believe me. When she throws me tude, when she "forgets" important things... GRRRRR..... However, even this "suck it up, buttercup" mom, this anti-coddler, feels that each kids needs individualized attention. Once a month I try to spend a special days with each of the kids, alone. A lot of times, it quells the tude, it gets her re-focused, because she gets to talk... and talk.... and talk... till she is blue in the face because after all this day is just for her. Now even though I am really, and I mean really good at the art of artificial hearing, aka zoning out, on these days, I try really hard to focus and pay attention.
These special days are not days to go over attitude issues, or school issues (unless she brings them up), it's not a day to discuss how she can do her chores better, or how I would love, love, love it, if she would take her laundry upstairs after she washes it instead of clogging up my whole production... Nooooo this is a day of her directing conversation, her picking lunch, picking an activity or two. She gets to talk about Color Guard, her friends, her upcoming events. It's a day of positivity from mom to daughter, to boost her, to get her excited and make her feel loved, special and appreciated.
In addition to my special days with the girls, my baby daddy, my hubby, their father (lol) takes one out a month to spend a father daughter date. Sometimes it's during the day, he takes them shopping, lunch, and whatever they want to do, sometimes it's a nighttime gig, with dinner, and a movie. I actually think that these dates, even though they are less often, are even MORE important, even MORE special. With girls I think the fact that they get to have undivided, special attention from their dad, teaches them about what to look for in a spouse. Someone to love them, appreciate them, dote on them, open the door for them.
While it is super hard to not use that time to discuss any grievances you may have, don't. Sometimes the kids know they haven't been super great lately and will bring it up, if that's the case... discuss, but try to keep it positive. Discuss what has been going right, because as parents, we often are so focused on what isn't that we forget to give them kudos for what is. This is that time baby! Slurp them up! Snuggle them, emotionally if not physically. Let them know that you love them through all of that, and that today is their day, they are Queens/Kings for the day.
I swear you will notice a change. Make the time, even if it is taking them out after they get out on minimum days, or using a holiday up. I used to even get a sitter to watch the others during the day if hubby was gone and I wanted to do it during the week. Now that they are older it's easier in that aspect but harder in scheduling. They become so busy, so involved it's hard to find the time, make it work anyway. It will be worth it, even if things are all rosy, get them in the habit knowing they will have their day, and it will get even rosier.
I just hope one day when I am older and greyer that my kids will plan special days with me.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Common Sense Drought
I live in California, and unless you live under a rock... and you may... no judgement.. I guess... LOL I am kidding! You have heard about our drought for about 4 years now, our fires made worse by the aforementioned drought, earthquakes and our liberal government... Yipee!!! I swear sometimes if my whole family didn't live hear I might jump ship, but I do have to admit, 2 hours to the ocean, 2 hours to the mountains... kind of hard to beat.
Honestly every year, I keep praying for rain just to stop hearing the word drought, as if we as humans have caused this huge weather phenomenon, and the farce of global warming. Don't get me wrong, yes I admit we are in a drought, and yes maybe just maybe the earth is warming, but I hardly believe that we are the sole blame for that, I mean what the heck did the dinosaurs do to cause the ice age and it's subsequent thaw and warming to today's weather? The last time I checked there were no prius' or hybrids around to save the day. No laws on when people can't have a flipping fire in their own home, or use a dang barbeque like they are trying to pass. Weather is cyclical, weather patterns, warming, cooling all cyclical. Unfortunately the type of drought I worry about more, is the common sense drought.
Gone are the days of personal responsibility, learning from mistakes, learning street smarts and life lessons. All this coddling going on by parents, all this legislation, only does one thing, it eliminates common sense growth. Really it's insane, and I am afraid this common sense drought is not cyclical.
I was washing my car the other day... or shall I say having it washed, giving me time to ponder. Washing your car is like the proverbial rain dance right? Maybe if people washed their cars more it would rain more... Smart??? No it's stupid. Yet somewhere someone would so believe it and soooo do it. We have the government trying to legislate our every move, is just them showing us, their lack of common sense. Let's ban guns, guns kill people... Noooo people kill people, and legislating evil away is impossible, although believe me these self-righteous overzealous politicians are gonna try.... Common sense drought. We remove guns from the law abiding which has no impact on those who go about life, not just an act, but life illegally. They will get their weapons, and do more damage as the law abiding are defenseless.. Common sense drought.
This Common Sense Drought (yes I am capitalizing it because I am pretty sure I have just coined a phrase I will be famous for... or not, lol) has been going on for a lot longer than the 4 years or so California has seen below average rainfall. You listen to these politicians, these news reporters and they act like we will never see a drop of rain again, they act like everyone with a gun will kill someone. They act like these laws will have impact.... Fear, government reliance, Common Sense Drought.
I really think that this all started when people started to for a lack of a better term, coddle their kids. They stopped teaching them responsibility, they stopped allowing them to learn lessons the hard way while being there to support them through it. Instead, they form this barrier, they bubble wrap their kids, they refuse for them to have to suffer consequences from their actions, regardless of how minor or how major. They don't allow them to fail, then build them back up. This force field they have built up, doesn't teach their children to be strong and independent thinkers. They grow to believe that others know what is best for them. It starts with believing their parents know best, which as they are children we do, but then they need to learn independence and run their own lives. Instead these coddled force field protected children, once adults they listen to the government and follow their lead, without question. As adults, these children take their legislations, they rely on it, as if it is gospel. They begin turning in their neighbors for watering on the wrong days, or having a fire on a cold night. Really? That is a scary scary trend my friends. It reminds me of stories of communist Russian, or Nazi Germany. It starts small and somewhat innocuous, until the common sense is replaced by government reliance.
We need to pull back the parenting bubble wrap. We need to allow our kids to learn lessons, not because we do not care, but because WE DO!!! We are strengthening, supporting, and making resilient adults who can weather storms, not be broken by them. That is parenting, that is really protecting them, teaching them how to protect themselves. How to be strong for themselves, not due to others or the government, which is a common sense black hole.
Honestly every year, I keep praying for rain just to stop hearing the word drought, as if we as humans have caused this huge weather phenomenon, and the farce of global warming. Don't get me wrong, yes I admit we are in a drought, and yes maybe just maybe the earth is warming, but I hardly believe that we are the sole blame for that, I mean what the heck did the dinosaurs do to cause the ice age and it's subsequent thaw and warming to today's weather? The last time I checked there were no prius' or hybrids around to save the day. No laws on when people can't have a flipping fire in their own home, or use a dang barbeque like they are trying to pass. Weather is cyclical, weather patterns, warming, cooling all cyclical. Unfortunately the type of drought I worry about more, is the common sense drought.
Gone are the days of personal responsibility, learning from mistakes, learning street smarts and life lessons. All this coddling going on by parents, all this legislation, only does one thing, it eliminates common sense growth. Really it's insane, and I am afraid this common sense drought is not cyclical.
I was washing my car the other day... or shall I say having it washed, giving me time to ponder. Washing your car is like the proverbial rain dance right? Maybe if people washed their cars more it would rain more... Smart??? No it's stupid. Yet somewhere someone would so believe it and soooo do it. We have the government trying to legislate our every move, is just them showing us, their lack of common sense. Let's ban guns, guns kill people... Noooo people kill people, and legislating evil away is impossible, although believe me these self-righteous overzealous politicians are gonna try.... Common sense drought. We remove guns from the law abiding which has no impact on those who go about life, not just an act, but life illegally. They will get their weapons, and do more damage as the law abiding are defenseless.. Common sense drought.
This Common Sense Drought (yes I am capitalizing it because I am pretty sure I have just coined a phrase I will be famous for... or not, lol) has been going on for a lot longer than the 4 years or so California has seen below average rainfall. You listen to these politicians, these news reporters and they act like we will never see a drop of rain again, they act like everyone with a gun will kill someone. They act like these laws will have impact.... Fear, government reliance, Common Sense Drought.
I really think that this all started when people started to for a lack of a better term, coddle their kids. They stopped teaching them responsibility, they stopped allowing them to learn lessons the hard way while being there to support them through it. Instead, they form this barrier, they bubble wrap their kids, they refuse for them to have to suffer consequences from their actions, regardless of how minor or how major. They don't allow them to fail, then build them back up. This force field they have built up, doesn't teach their children to be strong and independent thinkers. They grow to believe that others know what is best for them. It starts with believing their parents know best, which as they are children we do, but then they need to learn independence and run their own lives. Instead these coddled force field protected children, once adults they listen to the government and follow their lead, without question. As adults, these children take their legislations, they rely on it, as if it is gospel. They begin turning in their neighbors for watering on the wrong days, or having a fire on a cold night. Really? That is a scary scary trend my friends. It reminds me of stories of communist Russian, or Nazi Germany. It starts small and somewhat innocuous, until the common sense is replaced by government reliance.
We need to pull back the parenting bubble wrap. We need to allow our kids to learn lessons, not because we do not care, but because WE DO!!! We are strengthening, supporting, and making resilient adults who can weather storms, not be broken by them. That is parenting, that is really protecting them, teaching them how to protect themselves. How to be strong for themselves, not due to others or the government, which is a common sense black hole.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
My Kids Are My World.... Well Kind Of...
It strikes me as odd when people say their kids are their world. I mean I understand the never ending bond of a mother or father and their children. I LOVE my kids. However, I can never say they are my world... as in whole world. Sound bad? Maybe... but in my mind it is far healthier to diversify your world portfolio than it is to put all your eggs in one basket.
A family's health is really dependent on the relationship between the parents, and the parent's relationship with themselves. My husband always says, "Happy wife, happy life" or "If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy." My mom always explained to me that the mother really sets the tone. She is so correct. For the most part I am the glue that holds this whole thing together. Everyone can have a bad day, and the balls keep in the air juggling, however, if I have a bad day, all the balls drop and heaven forbid someone pick them up! What the ham???
I believe that in order to keep things in balance and healthy, parents need to realize that their kids cannot be their total focus. This is not to say that they neglect them in anyway, but they need to teach them that the world, their world does not revolve around them. And parents need to make sure their world doesn't. Sound bad? I don't think so. It sounds healthy to me.
My husband and I have always had one date night a week. Whether it is family watching the kids or hiring a sitter, we go out. Now that our kids are older and sitters are not necessary, because the older can watch the younger, we have made it two dates a week. Usually one evening out either alone or with friends, and one breakfast or lunch out on Sunday. These dates are imperative to our relationship. We get to connect, we get to talk about our goals, our to do lists, what we need for ourselves, from each other. We communicate, we enjoy holding hands, we enjoy just being US. I could not do without these. These create sanity for me. They let me be a wife, not just a mom. They let me go back to dates with my "boyfriend". They let me, be me.
You often hear about people with empty nest syndrome. I truly believe a lot of the problem with that, is because the parents is left with a lack of identity, a lack of purpose, a lack of themselves. You hear about divorces happening because the parent's only connection was the kids and when they grow and move on, they do not know each other outside of that parenting role. This is a dangerous position to be in. Your latter years are supposed to be your Golden Years. You are supposed to be able to enjoy these years with your spouse, you are supposed to be free to go back to being just a couple, to enjoy retirement. Yet many find themselves now in a sad state of marriage, sad state of identity crisis. How can that be avoided? By not losing yourself to your children, to your role as a parent, and even a spouse.
As a mom, it is soooo easy to lose yourself. You want to love on, and protect your children. You want to be there for them at anytime of need. While your children are infants and toddlers, its important that you are, because they cannot fend for themselves. Having a date night, or a night out with your girlfriends, or attending a weekly bible study, or even gasp... all three one week, is NOT abandoning or neglecting your children. Let your children be loved on by their daddy, while you are out, or a family member or a sitter you trust. Be with your spouse, your friends, or even just be with yourself and be present in that moment. It will refresh and rejuvenate you. You will be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better you.
Want a date night but do not have family close, and you don't know anyone, ask around, word of mouth, ask your friends, family, church members. If you are hiring a sitter, and are nervous start by having them come to your home to visit with the kids, see how they interact, see that you are not the only one who can be with them for a few hours, that your kids will survive and actually enjoy the break from you as well. It may be hard when you first go, but they will survive it. Have the sitter come during the day for the first time, go to lunch and let her/him watch the kids for a short time where there isn't the complication of a bedtime routine. Make it fun, get the kids excited! Plan a fun lunch, maybe a movie or another activity for them to do with the sitter. Once you have a good foundation, then move to evening dates. This is not just about you getting out, it is about your kids slowly learning to be independent from you as well. It will make preschool and kindergarten so much easier of a transition for them, and in turn for you as well.
Helicopter Moms really do their coptering less for the kids, and more for themselves. They want or need that sense of control, the sense of being needed. If you find yourself in that position, you really need to evaluate your motivations. You are actually handicapping your kids. You are not allowing them to grow socially, to learn to make decisions, to learn to advocate for themselves. That is not a help, that is a handicap. Helicopter moms have the worst time letting go. They need to learn that their needs need to be met in different ways, and maybe they need to redirect their needs. Try giving your time to those less fortunate, or joining a club, maybe even volunteering for a cause near and dear to your heart.
My husband and I love our dates, we both have interests together and separate. He LOVES cycling, and I am allergic to spandex riding clothes (ok, maybe not really LOL) so he rides in the evenings and at least once on the weekends. This gives me time, to go do what I want to do, maybe reading a book, going to lunch with a friend, or even just some me shopping time. We do the soccer games, we do football games, and we even work to once a month take each daughter out separately for their own time. We definitely do for our kids, but we do for us as well. We may be busy, but we don't get lost. It's not always easy. Their are definitely times when the girls competitions or tournaments make it a little more difficult, so you have to adapt, and maybe that date is just an hour or so dinner out on a Tuesday. Make it happen. Connect. Enjoy. It shows and models a healthy relationship to your children too.
The kids that think the world revolves around them because of their helicopter parents, or over involved parents that volunteer every day at the school because heaven forbid their child need them and they be 20 minutes away grocery shopping, will never learn to be independent, to work for themselves, and to problem solve. They will always rely on you for security, but they need to learn to be secure within themselves also. And They need to understand that their parents are people outside of being parents that have relationships outside of them. Its really a gift to them in the future. Its all about balance.
A family's health is really dependent on the relationship between the parents, and the parent's relationship with themselves. My husband always says, "Happy wife, happy life" or "If mama aint happy, aint nobody happy." My mom always explained to me that the mother really sets the tone. She is so correct. For the most part I am the glue that holds this whole thing together. Everyone can have a bad day, and the balls keep in the air juggling, however, if I have a bad day, all the balls drop and heaven forbid someone pick them up! What the ham???
I believe that in order to keep things in balance and healthy, parents need to realize that their kids cannot be their total focus. This is not to say that they neglect them in anyway, but they need to teach them that the world, their world does not revolve around them. And parents need to make sure their world doesn't. Sound bad? I don't think so. It sounds healthy to me.
My husband and I have always had one date night a week. Whether it is family watching the kids or hiring a sitter, we go out. Now that our kids are older and sitters are not necessary, because the older can watch the younger, we have made it two dates a week. Usually one evening out either alone or with friends, and one breakfast or lunch out on Sunday. These dates are imperative to our relationship. We get to connect, we get to talk about our goals, our to do lists, what we need for ourselves, from each other. We communicate, we enjoy holding hands, we enjoy just being US. I could not do without these. These create sanity for me. They let me be a wife, not just a mom. They let me go back to dates with my "boyfriend". They let me, be me.
You often hear about people with empty nest syndrome. I truly believe a lot of the problem with that, is because the parents is left with a lack of identity, a lack of purpose, a lack of themselves. You hear about divorces happening because the parent's only connection was the kids and when they grow and move on, they do not know each other outside of that parenting role. This is a dangerous position to be in. Your latter years are supposed to be your Golden Years. You are supposed to be able to enjoy these years with your spouse, you are supposed to be free to go back to being just a couple, to enjoy retirement. Yet many find themselves now in a sad state of marriage, sad state of identity crisis. How can that be avoided? By not losing yourself to your children, to your role as a parent, and even a spouse.
As a mom, it is soooo easy to lose yourself. You want to love on, and protect your children. You want to be there for them at anytime of need. While your children are infants and toddlers, its important that you are, because they cannot fend for themselves. Having a date night, or a night out with your girlfriends, or attending a weekly bible study, or even gasp... all three one week, is NOT abandoning or neglecting your children. Let your children be loved on by their daddy, while you are out, or a family member or a sitter you trust. Be with your spouse, your friends, or even just be with yourself and be present in that moment. It will refresh and rejuvenate you. You will be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better you.
Want a date night but do not have family close, and you don't know anyone, ask around, word of mouth, ask your friends, family, church members. If you are hiring a sitter, and are nervous start by having them come to your home to visit with the kids, see how they interact, see that you are not the only one who can be with them for a few hours, that your kids will survive and actually enjoy the break from you as well. It may be hard when you first go, but they will survive it. Have the sitter come during the day for the first time, go to lunch and let her/him watch the kids for a short time where there isn't the complication of a bedtime routine. Make it fun, get the kids excited! Plan a fun lunch, maybe a movie or another activity for them to do with the sitter. Once you have a good foundation, then move to evening dates. This is not just about you getting out, it is about your kids slowly learning to be independent from you as well. It will make preschool and kindergarten so much easier of a transition for them, and in turn for you as well.
Helicopter Moms really do their coptering less for the kids, and more for themselves. They want or need that sense of control, the sense of being needed. If you find yourself in that position, you really need to evaluate your motivations. You are actually handicapping your kids. You are not allowing them to grow socially, to learn to make decisions, to learn to advocate for themselves. That is not a help, that is a handicap. Helicopter moms have the worst time letting go. They need to learn that their needs need to be met in different ways, and maybe they need to redirect their needs. Try giving your time to those less fortunate, or joining a club, maybe even volunteering for a cause near and dear to your heart.
My husband and I love our dates, we both have interests together and separate. He LOVES cycling, and I am allergic to spandex riding clothes (ok, maybe not really LOL) so he rides in the evenings and at least once on the weekends. This gives me time, to go do what I want to do, maybe reading a book, going to lunch with a friend, or even just some me shopping time. We do the soccer games, we do football games, and we even work to once a month take each daughter out separately for their own time. We definitely do for our kids, but we do for us as well. We may be busy, but we don't get lost. It's not always easy. Their are definitely times when the girls competitions or tournaments make it a little more difficult, so you have to adapt, and maybe that date is just an hour or so dinner out on a Tuesday. Make it happen. Connect. Enjoy. It shows and models a healthy relationship to your children too.
The kids that think the world revolves around them because of their helicopter parents, or over involved parents that volunteer every day at the school because heaven forbid their child need them and they be 20 minutes away grocery shopping, will never learn to be independent, to work for themselves, and to problem solve. They will always rely on you for security, but they need to learn to be secure within themselves also. And They need to understand that their parents are people outside of being parents that have relationships outside of them. Its really a gift to them in the future. Its all about balance.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Ahhhh The Good Times Of Raising A Teenager.... Be The Mean Mom!
You have probably noticed that I haven't posted in a while. My goal when starting this blog was to share all the joys... and not so joys of parenting. One of the things we need to do as moms is stick together, to use each other for strength and venting posts... the latter is one of the most necessary when trying to not only keep your hair during child rearing, but also your sanity.
I am a mom of 3 girls... yes... 3 girls. "What were you thinking?" you may ask. I could come back with a comical or snarky retort, "Bom chica bow wow, is what I was thinking!" Ha! Not the case at all. We had our first two by 26 years of age, then we had our bonus baby, our surprise (I will never say oops, she is too much of a blessing) when I was 33. Yep... 7 years in between our baby and our new baby, 10 years between our oldest and our newest. In many ways it was easier doing that way, I one very excited helper, and one far more reluctant, as she had lost her baby throne. However, it wasn't 3 in diapers, I couldn't imagine that scenario.
Well now that 10 year old is now 16, our baby 13 and our newest baby 6. Good times. Our 6 year old is very sensory sensitive (for more info on that see this link http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/the-sensory-sensitive-child.html) and that is cake compared to raising a teenager. Cake...
Teenagers are all going through that difficult road to navigate. On one hand they feel they are adults, able to take on the world, and do for themselves and make their own decisions, on the other hand, they are asking you for money, or to bring them something to school they forgot. They are caught between learning to be responsible, and blaming everyone for their mistakes, their shortcomings, or their failures.
I think as parents it's easy coddle, easy to take care of their every need, easy to pick them up when they fall. What is not easy is holding that line, teaching them personal responsibility and personal accountability, to let them fall and learn to pick themselves up, to let them deal with consequences that their mistakes, shortcomings or failures may cause. To not have them tell you they hate you means you are doing it wrong. To not have them tell you that you ruined their life, means you my friend are being waaaaaayyyyy too nice.
See we are not raising kids... At least that is not what we are supposed to be doing. We are supposed to be raising kids to become adults. If that means not taking their homework in for the 5th time in two months because they forgot it, or not taking them lunch when they forgot to pay for their lunch card, or making them walk to and from school, even in the heat, even in the rain because they chose to not get their license, then so be it.
I am a mean mom in a culture of "wuss development". That is my term for when parents are so worried that their kids may be sad, or may be disappointed, or may be hurt emotionally, that they do not teach them how to deal with that sadness, that disappointment, that emotional hurt. Instead they do everything to make it not happen, they for all purposes walk around with their kids bubble wrapped. Well I don't do that. Once the child come of an age where they have to ability to make decisions (ie not getting their license, not finishing homework, not planning ahead), once they hit their teen years its time to up the expectations. I have high expectations of responsibility. It is the only way to teach them and prepare them for the real world. Coddled children live with their parents into their 40's... no thank you! IS that helping them? No. While this mom is preparing her children to be successful adults (even though they may not like it), the nice moms are preparing their children for a life of dependence.
This goes along with the old adage... Just because you can, does not mean you should... Just because you can give your child the world, should you? Or should you TEACH them how to earn it, how to live in it, how to survive it. Giving children things, doesn't teach them anything, it actually hinders it. It keeps them from learning to achieve, to conquer, to persevere. Isn't that what it took for you to be successful? Sometimes as parents we work so hard to give our kids what we didn't have, we forget to teach them what we did have. We had respect and responsibility. While I had a job at 15, most of these kids don't get one until after high school.... "because their loads are hard enough" What? Hard enough? Their loads are hard enough, yet they have time to do all the extra curriculars, to text incessantly, to do the fun stuff, and have "down time". Yea I am thinking no. I worked over 30 hours a week, while going to high school, I paid for my insurance and kept my grades up enough to be able to afford that insurance, all the while, i still saw my friends, I dated my now husband, and I survived splendidly.
Kids need to learn the value of earning. They need to learn the value of working for something, and achieving that success. Give them what you did. You may not get any mom of the year awards, I knew that years ago. But some day... some day, when she can take care of herself, and stand tall that she did it on her own, she will appreciate it. If by chance that day of reckoning never comes and I never get credit for all I went through; attitudes, arguments, conferences with teachers, I will know in my heart I did the right thing, and I don't need the kudos.
I am a mom of 3 girls... yes... 3 girls. "What were you thinking?" you may ask. I could come back with a comical or snarky retort, "Bom chica bow wow, is what I was thinking!" Ha! Not the case at all. We had our first two by 26 years of age, then we had our bonus baby, our surprise (I will never say oops, she is too much of a blessing) when I was 33. Yep... 7 years in between our baby and our new baby, 10 years between our oldest and our newest. In many ways it was easier doing that way, I one very excited helper, and one far more reluctant, as she had lost her baby throne. However, it wasn't 3 in diapers, I couldn't imagine that scenario.
Well now that 10 year old is now 16, our baby 13 and our newest baby 6. Good times. Our 6 year old is very sensory sensitive (for more info on that see this link http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/the-sensory-sensitive-child.html) and that is cake compared to raising a teenager. Cake...
Teenagers are all going through that difficult road to navigate. On one hand they feel they are adults, able to take on the world, and do for themselves and make their own decisions, on the other hand, they are asking you for money, or to bring them something to school they forgot. They are caught between learning to be responsible, and blaming everyone for their mistakes, their shortcomings, or their failures.
I think as parents it's easy coddle, easy to take care of their every need, easy to pick them up when they fall. What is not easy is holding that line, teaching them personal responsibility and personal accountability, to let them fall and learn to pick themselves up, to let them deal with consequences that their mistakes, shortcomings or failures may cause. To not have them tell you they hate you means you are doing it wrong. To not have them tell you that you ruined their life, means you my friend are being waaaaaayyyyy too nice.
See we are not raising kids... At least that is not what we are supposed to be doing. We are supposed to be raising kids to become adults. If that means not taking their homework in for the 5th time in two months because they forgot it, or not taking them lunch when they forgot to pay for their lunch card, or making them walk to and from school, even in the heat, even in the rain because they chose to not get their license, then so be it.
I am a mean mom in a culture of "wuss development". That is my term for when parents are so worried that their kids may be sad, or may be disappointed, or may be hurt emotionally, that they do not teach them how to deal with that sadness, that disappointment, that emotional hurt. Instead they do everything to make it not happen, they for all purposes walk around with their kids bubble wrapped. Well I don't do that. Once the child come of an age where they have to ability to make decisions (ie not getting their license, not finishing homework, not planning ahead), once they hit their teen years its time to up the expectations. I have high expectations of responsibility. It is the only way to teach them and prepare them for the real world. Coddled children live with their parents into their 40's... no thank you! IS that helping them? No. While this mom is preparing her children to be successful adults (even though they may not like it), the nice moms are preparing their children for a life of dependence.
This goes along with the old adage... Just because you can, does not mean you should... Just because you can give your child the world, should you? Or should you TEACH them how to earn it, how to live in it, how to survive it. Giving children things, doesn't teach them anything, it actually hinders it. It keeps them from learning to achieve, to conquer, to persevere. Isn't that what it took for you to be successful? Sometimes as parents we work so hard to give our kids what we didn't have, we forget to teach them what we did have. We had respect and responsibility. While I had a job at 15, most of these kids don't get one until after high school.... "because their loads are hard enough" What? Hard enough? Their loads are hard enough, yet they have time to do all the extra curriculars, to text incessantly, to do the fun stuff, and have "down time". Yea I am thinking no. I worked over 30 hours a week, while going to high school, I paid for my insurance and kept my grades up enough to be able to afford that insurance, all the while, i still saw my friends, I dated my now husband, and I survived splendidly.
Kids need to learn the value of earning. They need to learn the value of working for something, and achieving that success. Give them what you did. You may not get any mom of the year awards, I knew that years ago. But some day... some day, when she can take care of herself, and stand tall that she did it on her own, she will appreciate it. If by chance that day of reckoning never comes and I never get credit for all I went through; attitudes, arguments, conferences with teachers, I will know in my heart I did the right thing, and I don't need the kudos.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Comfort in a Cup!
As I mentioned in an earlier post I got selected by Raley's grocer to join their #raleystryit program. I was so excited! I have to admit I was most excited about getting free coffee. I selected the Raleys Organic k-cups in French Roast. I have always liked french roast and figured organic can't change anything so I am sure it will be fine.
Well fine didn't begin to cover it. I opened the cellophane on the package and this aroma totally hit me by surprise! I could not believe how fragrant it was. I drink coffee daily and I have my fave (Starbucks) but their coffee had never smelled like this! The aroma filled the air and I hadn't even brewed it yet!! The obivious next step was to brew. My foot tapped in anticipation! If the aroma prior to brew was this good, how much better would it taste???
All I can say is Oh... My...Goodness!! Literally it was the best cup of coffee I have ever had. I have had the best cups of coffee ever since! I love this coffee. It is so comforting, the coffee brews dark, not like brown water, but a rich color, when you add cream, it is actually still this caramel color, and the flavor is there and not just in the background. I decided that the best description of this coffee is Comfort In A cup!!! It is fabulous!! A serious must try!!
Well fine didn't begin to cover it. I opened the cellophane on the package and this aroma totally hit me by surprise! I could not believe how fragrant it was. I drink coffee daily and I have my fave (Starbucks) but their coffee had never smelled like this! The aroma filled the air and I hadn't even brewed it yet!! The obivious next step was to brew. My foot tapped in anticipation! If the aroma prior to brew was this good, how much better would it taste???
All I can say is Oh... My...Goodness!! Literally it was the best cup of coffee I have ever had. I have had the best cups of coffee ever since! I love this coffee. It is so comforting, the coffee brews dark, not like brown water, but a rich color, when you add cream, it is actually still this caramel color, and the flavor is there and not just in the background. I decided that the best description of this coffee is Comfort In A cup!!! It is fabulous!! A serious must try!!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Raley's Try-it Program!!
Wooo Hooo!!! Somebody is excited and that someone is me! Guess who was asked to join the Raley's try-it program? Yup! That's me!!! I am so excited to be able to blog about cool products I get to try for free! Woo Hoo!!!
First up is going to be their Organic Coffee! I am excited especially since I have been really trying to move our family in a more healthy organic lifestyle! It is great to know that it can start with me, and with such a simple step as my morning cup o' joe!
I was already a fan of Raley's and Bel Air, because first of all their stores are always clean and stocked. Their customer service is off the charts great, and I love that they have kid care. When I was a mom of little girls (yes I still have one little) my mom friends and I would drop the kids off at the kid care and have lunch in the café. It was so nice to be able to have lunch without someone else sitting on my lap, picking at my food and spilling on me!
Now I am excited to hear that my opinion counts! So I will let you know how this goes, for me it's a new exciting adventure and I am stoked!!!
First up is going to be their Organic Coffee! I am excited especially since I have been really trying to move our family in a more healthy organic lifestyle! It is great to know that it can start with me, and with such a simple step as my morning cup o' joe!
I was already a fan of Raley's and Bel Air, because first of all their stores are always clean and stocked. Their customer service is off the charts great, and I love that they have kid care. When I was a mom of little girls (yes I still have one little) my mom friends and I would drop the kids off at the kid care and have lunch in the café. It was so nice to be able to have lunch without someone else sitting on my lap, picking at my food and spilling on me!
Now I am excited to hear that my opinion counts! So I will let you know how this goes, for me it's a new exciting adventure and I am stoked!!!
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