You have probably noticed that I haven't posted in a while. My goal when starting this blog was to share all the joys... and not so joys of parenting. One of the things we need to do as moms is stick together, to use each other for strength and venting posts... the latter is one of the most necessary when trying to not only keep your hair during child rearing, but also your sanity.
I am a mom of 3 girls... yes... 3 girls. "What were you thinking?" you may ask. I could come back with a comical or snarky retort, "Bom chica bow wow, is what I was thinking!" Ha! Not the case at all. We had our first two by 26 years of age, then we had our bonus baby, our surprise (I will never say oops, she is too much of a blessing) when I was 33. Yep... 7 years in between our baby and our new baby, 10 years between our oldest and our newest. In many ways it was easier doing that way, I one very excited helper, and one far more reluctant, as she had lost her baby throne. However, it wasn't 3 in diapers, I couldn't imagine that scenario.
Well now that 10 year old is now 16, our baby 13 and our newest baby 6. Good times. Our 6 year old is very sensory sensitive (for more info on that see this link http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/the-sensory-sensitive-child.html) and that is cake compared to raising a teenager. Cake...
Teenagers are all going through that difficult road to navigate. On one hand they feel they are adults, able to take on the world, and do for themselves and make their own decisions, on the other hand, they are asking you for money, or to bring them something to school they forgot. They are caught between learning to be responsible, and blaming everyone for their mistakes, their shortcomings, or their failures.
I think as parents it's easy coddle, easy to take care of their every need, easy to pick them up when they fall. What is not easy is holding that line, teaching them personal responsibility and personal accountability, to let them fall and learn to pick themselves up, to let them deal with consequences that their mistakes, shortcomings or failures may cause. To not have them tell you they hate you means you are doing it wrong. To not have them tell you that you ruined their life, means you my friend are being waaaaaayyyyy too nice.
See we are not raising kids... At least that is not what we are supposed to be doing. We are supposed to be raising kids to become adults. If that means not taking their homework in for the 5th time in two months because they forgot it, or not taking them lunch when they forgot to pay for their lunch card, or making them walk to and from school, even in the heat, even in the rain because they chose to not get their license, then so be it.
I am a mean mom in a culture of "wuss development". That is my term for when parents are so worried that their kids may be sad, or may be disappointed, or may be hurt emotionally, that they do not teach them how to deal with that sadness, that disappointment, that emotional hurt. Instead they do everything to make it not happen, they for all purposes walk around with their kids bubble wrapped. Well I don't do that. Once the child come of an age where they have to ability to make decisions (ie not getting their license, not finishing homework, not planning ahead), once they hit their teen years its time to up the expectations. I have high expectations of responsibility. It is the only way to teach them and prepare them for the real world. Coddled children live with their parents into their 40's... no thank you! IS that helping them? No. While this mom is preparing her children to be successful adults (even though they may not like it), the nice moms are preparing their children for a life of dependence.
This goes along with the old adage... Just because you can, does not mean you should... Just because you can give your child the world, should you? Or should you TEACH them how to earn it, how to live in it, how to survive it. Giving children things, doesn't teach them anything, it actually hinders it. It keeps them from learning to achieve, to conquer, to persevere. Isn't that what it took for you to be successful? Sometimes as parents we work so hard to give our kids what we didn't have, we forget to teach them what we did have. We had respect and responsibility. While I had a job at 15, most of these kids don't get one until after high school.... "because their loads are hard enough" What? Hard enough? Their loads are hard enough, yet they have time to do all the extra curriculars, to text incessantly, to do the fun stuff, and have "down time". Yea I am thinking no. I worked over 30 hours a week, while going to high school, I paid for my insurance and kept my grades up enough to be able to afford that insurance, all the while, i still saw my friends, I dated my now husband, and I survived splendidly.
Kids need to learn the value of earning. They need to learn the value of working for something, and achieving that success. Give them what you did. You may not get any mom of the year awards, I knew that years ago. But some day... some day, when she can take care of herself, and stand tall that she did it on her own, she will appreciate it. If by chance that day of reckoning never comes and I never get credit for all I went through; attitudes, arguments, conferences with teachers, I will know in my heart I did the right thing, and I don't need the kudos.
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