Everyone's kids are special. I mean come on, what mom doesn't think their kids are really the best and everyone else is just in their shadows?!? Ok, well maybe not to that degree, but show me a mom, and I will show you a mom who even though she is ready to pull her hair out, still loves their kids something fierce.
When they are babies, we all snuggle them, and shower them with kisses, watch them sleep, anything to just get a few extra moments with them. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom it seems there are never enough hours in the day to spend with them. As they get older, trust me, the struggle gets really REAL.
I have a 16 year old.... I know, I know I cannot possibly because I look so young... its ok... shower me with it... LOL However, I do, and I feel older by the minute believe me. When she throws me tude, when she "forgets" important things... GRRRRR..... However, even this "suck it up, buttercup" mom, this anti-coddler, feels that each kids needs individualized attention. Once a month I try to spend a special days with each of the kids, alone. A lot of times, it quells the tude, it gets her re-focused, because she gets to talk... and talk.... and talk... till she is blue in the face because after all this day is just for her. Now even though I am really, and I mean really good at the art of artificial hearing, aka zoning out, on these days, I try really hard to focus and pay attention.
These special days are not days to go over attitude issues, or school issues (unless she brings them up), it's not a day to discuss how she can do her chores better, or how I would love, love, love it, if she would take her laundry upstairs after she washes it instead of clogging up my whole production... Nooooo this is a day of her directing conversation, her picking lunch, picking an activity or two. She gets to talk about Color Guard, her friends, her upcoming events. It's a day of positivity from mom to daughter, to boost her, to get her excited and make her feel loved, special and appreciated.
In addition to my special days with the girls, my baby daddy, my hubby, their father (lol) takes one out a month to spend a father daughter date. Sometimes it's during the day, he takes them shopping, lunch, and whatever they want to do, sometimes it's a nighttime gig, with dinner, and a movie. I actually think that these dates, even though they are less often, are even MORE important, even MORE special. With girls I think the fact that they get to have undivided, special attention from their dad, teaches them about what to look for in a spouse. Someone to love them, appreciate them, dote on them, open the door for them.
While it is super hard to not use that time to discuss any grievances you may have, don't. Sometimes the kids know they haven't been super great lately and will bring it up, if that's the case... discuss, but try to keep it positive. Discuss what has been going right, because as parents, we often are so focused on what isn't that we forget to give them kudos for what is. This is that time baby! Slurp them up! Snuggle them, emotionally if not physically. Let them know that you love them through all of that, and that today is their day, they are Queens/Kings for the day.
I swear you will notice a change. Make the time, even if it is taking them out after they get out on minimum days, or using a holiday up. I used to even get a sitter to watch the others during the day if hubby was gone and I wanted to do it during the week. Now that they are older it's easier in that aspect but harder in scheduling. They become so busy, so involved it's hard to find the time, make it work anyway. It will be worth it, even if things are all rosy, get them in the habit knowing they will have their day, and it will get even rosier.
I just hope one day when I am older and greyer that my kids will plan special days with me.
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